Finding Heavenly Significance in a Post-Christian Life

What is Our Soul's New Story? Plus a giveaway...

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Are we merely drops going back to the ocean? Or are we unique, enduring souls?

Back in my churchgoing days something important happened for me. I found significance. Christianity taught me that my life mattered infinitely—at least to Jesus. It told me I was created for a special purpose—a purpose that no one else could fulfill. Yes, if there’s one thing Christianity did well, it gave me a conceptual framework and a context for my life. It gave me a Story.

In my Story, I was told that Jesus loved me, Julie, so much that he thought about me personally on the cross as he died for me. Though it sounds a bit ludicrous now, at the time this was a very moving, emotionally charged, comforting plot twist for someone living in a largely loveless, lonely, unsafe-feeling world. To think that a Savior of unlimited power and importance valued me enough to die for me, and then to follow me through my life as a loving guide, invincible protector, and mediator between myself and the fear-inducing, perfection-demanding Almighty God—it made me feel very safe and seen. It made me feel special. Who wouldn’t want to latch onto such a story? It’s easy to see why the Jesus message became so popular.

This story of significance and belonging within my formative church experience was crucial to my developing child’s self-concept and worth while growing up in a home where I did not feel loved or valued. Also, my natural inclination toward individuality was not appreciated by my peers throughout my childhood. The fact that I did not try to conform to group behaviors and expectations was somehow perceived as a threat rather than an asset.

Despite assurances of heavenly significance, struggles for earthly significance abounded in my teens and early twenties with a host of unhealthy attention seeking behaviors and self-sabotage. I struggled with persistent feelings of anger (mostly at my father, myself, and God), anxiety, loneliness, self-protectiveness, and specially frosted with a complex attachment disorder (“come close, go away”) that complicated intimate relationships. I recently blogged about some of the reasons for my struggles with insignificance and how it shaped my adult life.

My relationship with Jesus didn’t seem to resolve any of these earthly struggles, but at least it helped me to feel singled out of the blur of the nameless, faceless masses to be seen in a lonely world, loved unconditionally, and attended to with a supremely powerful Savior-helper throughout both the joys and the hardships of life.

But then, a fly in the ointment. After discovering hell was a mass delusion created and proliferated by the Christian Church for the past 1,500 years, I began to deconstruct my entire Christian worldview. At that point, my relationship with the Jesus of Christianity was understandably put under scrutiny. As my relationship with Christianity and that Jesus dismantled, my beloved, secure Story fell apart. I came to reject the obviously false teaching of needing a sacrifice or a personal savior to make myself right with God, and many other contrived disempowerment teachings mentioned in previous blog posts. And if many of the old cornerstone Christian teachings about Jesus and hell were untrue, was it all untrue?

And if I no longer had a personal savior, protector, and guide, what did that mean for my soul’s safety and significance in this universe? Can one little soul in eight billion still be special or significant without a personally invested savior-sacrifice?

As I began opening myself up to other philosophies on life, spirituality, death, and the afterlife, etc., I was forced to question the validity of the unique or enduring (eternal) soul. In Eastern New Age (which is actually Old Age) philosophy, it is said that we are all like drops of water that absorb back into the Ocean when we die. We appear unique here in this ego-spirit confluence, but in reality, this philosophy says, it’s illusory. As soon as we die, we go back to the cosmic black womb of No-Thing, only to be reborn into another form. This form may be anything with consciousness—bug, animal, or human (not sure about plants and trees but they are conscious). They say this reincarnation loop goes on endlessly, for millions of years, all for the sake of experience. But there’s no continuity or unique essence for these experiences.

What of our unique identities in this lifetime—our unique experiences, our hard-won challenges, our soul work to become better versions of ourselves? What about our close-knit connections with our families and other significant relationships that often feel as if they transcend space and time? Do they all count for nothing? This teaching, to me, also induced fear and a sense of greater isolation from Divine Source and others.

Just to be clear, Eastern philosophy is not the only opinion on the afterlife or between lives. Because this philosophy felt so revolting, nonsensical, and pointless to me, I had to keep searching for answers consistent with a meaningful, benevolent Universe. This is where the problem lies: there are many opinions from religions, belief systems, and individuals alike. To me, this is strong evidence that nobody knows the full truth about the other side, but there must be crumbs of truth in some teachings and traditions. As I read and contemplated over the last decade, I did see patterns of plausibility for the in-between and after life—patterns from ancient and modern sources that made more sense toward a cohesive and “good” Story. More on that in a future post.

I think everyone, at a point in time—in some lifetime—must go down these lines of questioning. It is a necessary part of soul development. We must take pause to sit with our questions and then wait patiently—sometimes decades—for the answers to come to us. These questions of existence are crucial to our soul’s journey.

Probably my greatest life question revolves around: “Am I a unique soul?” (which obviously implies, “is everyone a unique soul?”). In other words, do I matter in the grand scheme? Am I valued? Am I supposed to be here for more than just an isolated experience? Is there something I’m here to do or be that no one else can do or be? Is the entire Book of Life void of meaning without each and every divine spark written into the pages of the Story on the canvas of time?

If it sounds egoic, I’m asking these questions for all of humanity—for you, for me, for everyone who feels unworthy, for atheists, for religious zealots, for agnostics, for the elderly, for children, for my daughters, for my friends and loves, for the lady sitting alone on the beach crying, for my grandchildren just being born into this fast-changing new world of dangerous technology and psychic chaos, for my dad on his deathbed, who has seemingly lived a life completely focused on pleasing himself.

Are there unique souls in us all who matter infinitely and somehow stay intact on a continuum journey, likely toward some kind of soul metamorphosis within a contrived experience of temporary forgetfulness?

Is there anyone else out there reading this as a post-Christian-with-all-the-answers, who allows these questions to rise at least occasionally? We are souls in a temporary movie scene who don’t have much of a clue about what comes next. Doesn’t that cause some discomfort to the point of wondering?

Over time, I happened upon to several avenues of thought that gave me reassurance for the idea of a unique soul with tailored challenges and a very special one-of-a-kind impact on the world and beyond.

Reincarnation as the Only Plausible Opportunity for Transformation
It is apparent that not everyone is on a straight arrow’s path to becoming an advanced, loving, divine-conscious soul in only one lifetime. At some point I came to the realization that reincarnation is the only way our zig-zagging souls can progress on a trajectory of learning, growth, and experience without coercion. I think maybe we brought ourselves into this dualistic realm—perhaps many times over—to have a one-of-a-kind soul-expanding experience through contrasts and intense emotions (it is suggested by some that the experience of the gamut of deep emotions are unique to earth). But it must be done under the guise of identity forgetfulness and with the guarantee of free will. To progress under coercion only brings about rebellion and hypocrisy, not true transformation.

According to the insight from many NDEs, plant medicine experiences, out of body experiences, and channeled messages from beyond, when we come through the veil each lifetime, most of us forget our higher identities, previous experiences, and our sovereign, co-creative power in order to have this limited “playful” experience of overcoming some specific challenge that we pre-arranged for ourselves. It is said that a few ascended masters come into the earth realm with full remembrance to assist the collective on their waking and overcoming journey—perhaps like the real Jesus, St. Germain, and many others. This is because the earth realm is so dense and illusory, that it is very difficult to wake ourselves up into our divine-spark I Am power, and we can get stuck here in this reincarnation loop. But these earth guides are only a gentle hint for most of us. If we were able to easily remember our higher selves or even our past lives, we would be cheating this game of hide and seek from ourselves in this epic virtual challenge. Coming here with easily accessed memory would be as much fun as setting up a scavenger hunt for yourself. Not remembering is where the mystery, challenge, and excitement begins!

I don’t necessarily think we pre-plan all the finite details of what we will choose and experience here. Perhaps we select ahead of time what our ego structure or personality will look like (we can choose this propensity with the exact time we “fall into” this realm—as we will explore shortly), the gifts we will need for the task, and maybe our families and cultures, all to potentiate a specific type of experience.

Maybe we want to learn to love in a loveless home or subculture. Or maybe we choose a personality and life experience that favors being cut off from our spiritual essence in order to see if we can wake ourselves up to our divine higher self. Maybe we choose to come here to see if we can master personal relationships, or communication, or higher learning. Maybe we choose the opposite role from the last life—we become the abuser instead of the abused. Several psychics I’ve met along the way have reported a very explicit identical past life experience for me that included been persecuted to death for my esoteric gifts and strong voice against the system by Christian ideology (think the Crusades or witch trials). Imagine me coming into this lifetime and realizing a few decades in that I was now oppressing others with my Christian beliefs and practices! What an interesting full circle opportunity to be the victim and the victimizer. It also explains my continuous soul path of vocally standing against oppressive systems, a unique path I continue to this day.

Evidence for A Unique Soul
So how did I come to believe in the unique soul—the journey of the continuity of identity, memories, and experiences that are forever retained—even if temporarily forgotten—within an individual conscious being, infusing them with infinite worth and significance? Over the years, several persuasions came to me, here are my top three.

Reason: Ultimately, what makes the most sense of our participation in existence? What would be the point of any of us having experiences, learning lessons, overcoming difficult feats, and transforming into more loving beings over the course of several lifetimes if there was no unique, enduring soul with a cosmically important purpose? It would be a random experience just for the sake of an experience with no goal or meaning. Yet that is not the MO of the organized, detailed, specific, patterned, mathematical, spiral Universe we live in. Our universe is filled with meaning, symbol, trajectory, metamorphosis, and intricately crafted STORY.

I am a Story. You are a Story. These stories are being told over many chapters (lifetimes) but they are leading to a cohesive, meaningful, significant Hero’s Journey (some also call it the return of the Prodigal) of losing and then finding your Real Self. There is an opening or introduction, a struggle, an overcoming, a resolve, and a grand finale being written through each of us. Story is written into the very fabric of creation! The grand finale, in my view, is when we have completed the lessons we came here to learn and have traversed all the experiences we pre-planned for ourselves. Then, our Story here is telos (Greek) or complete, perfect. But our unique soul is never finished. It can then choose its next Story or experience which, they say, is not confined to this earth plane.

Kabbala teachings. When in question, I always like to consider how the Jewish Kabbalah (passed down mystical traditions) weigh in on any topic of relevant spirituality. I have been inspired by studies and contemplation in the Kabbalah for many years (my favorite inspiring Kabbalah recommendation for beginners is, The Secret Life of God by David Aaron).

A couple years ago, a very specific Kabbalah book on this very specific topic found its way into my hands: Radical Kabbalah Part I, by Marc Gafni. This 300-page scholarly thesis explores the topic of a unique soul in the Kabbalah tradition. Not a light, fluffy read, this book is not for everyone, especially if you are not already familiar with foundational Kabbalah teachings and verbiage. But for me, it was a missing piece to my puzzle. Gafni does an excellent job of offering an in-depth persuasion piece on the unique soul of every human with a special divine mission toward tikkun olam (repairing the world) as image bearers of the Divine in the Matrix.

“Radical uniqueness derives from the ontological axiom that every individual…is endowed by God or incarnates as God, a unique dimension of sanctity. …If one unique soul were to be missing, then divinity itself would be lacking. …Were one unique individual to be missing or lacking, then there would be a lack in God” (pp. 22-23).

Gafni then expounds on how deepening our individuality, not rejecting it, is how we effectively express the revelation of God in this world through us: “…the way to access one’s unique revelation of divinity…is through the specific prism of one’s own unique story. Rather than effacing one’s unique self in order to allow one’s natural divinity to manifest itself… it is only by deepening the unique self that a person becomes transparent to their divine nature” (p. 21).

In a world where empirical proofs or external evidences are valued over personal experiences, Gafni says: “Personal revelation is also critical in the realm of uncertainty…one is to be guided by personal revelation invoked through prayer. In this sense, personal revelation cannot be validated by a source external to the person” (p. 20). Tell that to your pastor! No one else should be interpreting our own inner path of “truth” for us. We are each on a path that can only be understood and followed from the inside. As Gandhi said, “there are as many religions as there are people.” We are each our own contained Story with our own personal relationship with the Divine. We each hear “truth” differently, according to our perception and needs at the time. Yes, our “truths” of yesterday may have led us astray, but that disruption brings us to a realization that is exactly what gets us back on the spiral path to home in a new and more authentic way. In this way, there are not mistakes or real losses. (Check out my previous blog, “What If I Get Lost,” which is a frequently vocalized concern of those leaving behind their religious paradigms).

Astrology
Eight months ago, a self-proclaimed astrologer came to stay at our Airbnb in the mountains of Puerto Rico, and I was moderately curious. At this time, the only two things I knew about astrology was that it was a lot more in depth than the silly, reductionistic Sunday paper reading promising love and good fortune, and that everyone has a “big three.” That is, everyone has three primary signs—a sun sign, a moon, sign, and a rising sign. That’s about all I knew.

Stephanie the astrologer opened a portal of new direction within myself. During a free mini reading she worked into her short stay, she accurately described many of the complexities of my childhood home, lifelong challenges, and many freakily accurate details about my personality. I was hooked! Shortly thereafter, I made an appointment with her for a full birth chart reading.

Understanding your natal chart for the first time is like taking apart your car and putting it back together again. You intimately know every part, where it goes, and why it goes there—what it does. And more than that, you now actually understand how your car works from the inside out. When your car stalls out or needs a repair, you have more understanding for why your car does what it does. In short, a good astrology session makes you feel seen and heard, inducing a healing effect.

This experience was so powerful and even transformative for me, that I am now being trained to do what Stephanie does. It’s called “Applied Astrology.” It is aimed at helping people understand their unique challenges, life’s purpose, hidden strengths, soul’s trajectory, and even what they brought in from past lives to deal with and overcome. How compelling is that?!

Think about it, if it’s true that you brought lessons from your past life into this life—which can be determined from your birth chart and should resonate with the inner and outer struggles you grapple with in this lifetime—it’s proof that your soul is on a continuing journey. We are not here just for an isolated experience to go back to the ocean (or to “go to an eternal vacation in heaven” after one lifetime). If our soul’s path has this much direction and continuity, it would make no sense that we are having random or meaningless experiences. Just as “God” is infinite in his/her Beingness and becoming path (through God’s creation), so we are infinite unique souls on our own becoming path.

Here’s how astrology ties into today’s topic. It has been suggested that your astrologic natal chart is like a fingerprint—it is unique to only you and offers several thousands of meaningful aspects of information to a trained eye—which means it could take a lifetime to study and unravel and is reflective of the vast, infinite Being that you are. In fact, it is referred to as your “soul’s blueprint.” Because it is calculated from a precise location at a precise time, no two birth charts would be exact unless they were born at the exact same time in the exact same location (the degrees shift in a chart every four minutes, and houses shift every two hours). And even then, the way their natal stars were arranged would play out differently in their unique bodies and experiences. In short, our natal charts affirm that we came here as a unique soul with unique purpose and destiny. I don’t believe that it is transient or temporary. We are on a soul mission and each lifetime on earth is part of that mission we set out for ourselves to accomplish.

I noticed a reference to what sounds like astrology in the Radical Kabbalah (quoted above). Gafni says: “[Joseph] Vital affirms that uniqueness is the very illumination upon which the soul depends. Vital here also refers to another dimension of uniqueness…that which results from the interface of the individual with the realm of time. This sense of uniqueness becomes clearer in another text by Vital: ‘The worlds change each and every hour, and there is no hour which is similar to another…’ just as the individual has a ‘soul print,’ so too does each period of time have its own quality and demands something unique of each person (p. 54).”

Kabbalah has deep roots in astrology, which makes sense since astrology (and Kabbalah) goes back thousands of years. If it didn’t work, it would not have survived. Even the Bible is full of references to astrology, though they are ignored or glossed over!

Are you curious yet? For fun, I’m offering a free mini astrology reading to the first three paid subscribers who indicate interested. A few reasons you might want to check out an astrology reading:

• Curiosity: what if there’s more to astrology than you’ve been told?

• A life dilemma (you can gain clarity in pursuit of career paths, relationships, or other major decisions based on your soul’s blueprint.

• Deeper self-understanding of self.

• A peek at past life or next life trajectory.

Please note in order to run your chart and give you an accurate reading, I need the date and exact time of your birth (can’t be a guess or estimate) from your birth certificate, as well as the location you were born. Once chosen for a reading (I’ll let you know via email), you can email me back with this info but be sure they are accessible.

Maybe for some of you, the unique, enduring soul doesn’t seem like an important concept. But for me, it feels like everything. In the toil and struggle of life (lives) in this earth realm, I need to know that this is all leading me somewhere meaningful. In a post-Christian story that I no longer find true, I also need to know that the greater context of existence still has purpose. Oh, also, the need to explore these deep existential questions are in my birth chart…as a Scorpio Rising.😂🙄

I would love to hear your thoughts or experiences on the struggle for significance!

Next week I am hoping to talk about the repeating threads offering the Bigger Context or Greater Story as proposed by many cultures (records) and individuals throughout time. It’s quite mind-bending, so we’ll approach it like a fictional entertainment piece. After that, I’d like to transition into focusing on how to get our super-charged power back so we can get in with creating the lives and realities we truly desire!